Conjunctions for a quickie

The only songs I've been listening to are those from my Wicked playlist. Elphaba sounds really deluded. Delicious. And Nessa sounds like she has colds but it fits her well. I don't know how it's called, maybe contralto? I'm more drawn to singers with deep, sorrowful voices. Like Norah Jones, Fiona Apple, Amy Winehouse, and..... SARA BAREILLES. Haha. This could be love.

I've always dreamed of becoming a bar singer so I could wear sparkly dresses and green sneakers and ruby red lips. Nothing soothes me better than the thought of having enough time someday to do things I've always wanted to do. Like learn how to play the ukulele and write my own songs for the ukulele. I'll write about love. Or food. Or that man who sells pasta just outside the dorm. Or sadness. Or happiness. Or hope. Or fear. Or triumph. Or those sassy retorts I have for people who ask me silly things. I'd be the notorious badass ukulele singer who has a sweet voice. Not too sweet though. And then the world will understand how it's like for me for now. But dramas like mine can wait until I have finally become the person that I am in my mind. As a rule I can't prattle about a sad little life I've had until after my dreams have come true.

And then I'll be a lawyer. And I'll kick-ass because I do high-profile cases while doing pro bono work on the side. 

And then I'll have a house with a picket fence by the beach. I will have toothless dogs and a goldfish. I will name my goldfish Sundae. Because Sundaes are cold. And goldfishes are cold too. Swimming in the water... alone... that could get awfully cold right? 

And then I'll travel with Lucy to take pictures of graffiti wherever. And then we will do the backpacking thing. Just our passport and tons of credit cards. We will meet so many people and we will make a lot of new friends. And then we would ask them to paste their pictures or write something on our scrap books. Because those things aren't cheesy. It's the most appropriate thing to do. Even if there's Facebook or maybe a social network that allows for holograms. Or. If Lucy's too busy, I'll travel alone. Or find someone else who could come with me. 

And then I'll make pancakes for my good friend Trisha and give it to her so she won't be hungry again. I'll make sure it's shaped like pork chops so she's fooled into thinking that those were pork chops. She likes meat so much. 

And then I'll go back to my  barangay. And fund a library in my elementary school. I'll name it after my grandfather. And then I'll put in a lot of books in there and educational toys. And then i'll pray that those kids will read the books I placed there so they can see how beautiful the world is. So they will learn to dream. So finally when they have learned how to dream they would want to do something else than get married after high school. So that our barangay will have a lot of dreamers who instead of sleeping are busy making their dreams come true. Or maybe I will just place a lot of picture books so they can see a lot of pictures. After all pictures are great too. 

For now I would have to deal with my homeworks first. Incorrect conjunction(ed) imaginings will be done later.

Zteg is already 3 years old. His hair is starting to thin. He's getting older. Here's a picture of us,

'til then... :)

Life's a mess and i'm so damn happy, what now?

Last week had been really hazy. I spent the days leaving my best friend in our room to cope with her own hell week so I can finish papers, data analysis, etc required for my major subject. I lived off the whole week by  drinking liters of energy drink. It's worked wonders so far. Though it can't really cover dark circles. But then, concealers were invented to conceal stress, duh. Haha.

I made a few great discoveries, all of which I owe to the nights of stress. I gained new friends. Weird because they've been my classmates for months now and yet we never really became friends. Until of course this required interaction. Most of the time, I just keep to myself and content with sharing jokes to close friends. Others do not really matter that much as long as I'm with the people I'm most comfortable to spend time with.

The people I used to not think much of are now part of my 'plane of consciousness'. I feel warm inside thinking that I've made new friends now and that the circle has become wider. Often times I found myself appreciating them for their varied talents. There's N who's really good at eating and writing (plus cramming), S who like me is obsessed with Sara B. (finally! someone who could tolerate my endless sara b rants!) and writes really good stories (ok. the comparison with me ends with sara b. i haven't written a decent short story in my life), then there's P whose sense of stat never fail to amaze me, C who does what she has to do efficiently and never ever gets mad despite the numerous 'table' demands, then there's Slave Girl who we fondly call ...Slave Girl because she tirelessly does things we ask her to do even if she's not really required to help the team, and then there's J who I've come to appreciate more now because she's always collected despite so much drama going around us. :D

I guess I'm never gonna be effective in divorcing feelings from work. But hey, it's what keeps me going so far. Those nights out (and the cash spent!) wouldn't have been bearable had it not been for their company. There's so much laughter even if we're riddled with work we don't know how to cope with.  It isn't over yet but so far it's been really great hanging out with them.

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Really. What am I doing here updating this blog when I should be getting some school work done? If you happen to come by here, accept my apologies... I haven't written much. I will soon after all these school commitments are finished. :D
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It's a Sunday and I suggest that you listen to good songs like Landslide (Dixie Chicks) and Vegas (Sara Bareilles).

        "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang     on." -Franklin D. Roosevelt

A politically correct love letter

Dear jerk LOSER (because you are acting like one despite your name being the opposite),

To assume that I was in to you as I was before is only a result of your conceit inability to understand that people change. Yes, pea-brain cerebrally-challenged jerk, I have changed a lot.

Whereas before you meant the whole world to me, now, you are nothing but an annoying booger, egotistical , sexist alpha male who thinks that he is everything that a woman needs. Let me point it out to you that you are not worth it. A waste of time even. I only wrote this so I can send this link to you when you feel again that I am head over heels in love with you.

I may be wrong about a couple of things, but I am certain about this - I DO NOT LOVE YOU. And I would never go after you because you don't matter are a douche bag do things that rub me the wrong way.

To think that I am chatting you up because I can't survive without your presence is totally wrong. When I say that I need a distraction, it doesn't mean that I miss you. You are a guy for God's sake burger's sake! You are not supposed to go about reading into every sentence as if it is loaded with cryptic shit content! The way you reacted only goes to show just how fucked up twisted you are. Dude, it's been what? A fucking year (or more) has passed since! You think I lived in a vacuum all the while?

I went away partly to get over you, that I admit. I have come back partly successful with my attempt. Though I still had feelings for you before, I have begun to enjoy life without you (you should know this because I used to regularly update you with my status). To go on insisting that I am still in to you is moronic beyond me.

Stop acting like you are some rock star stuck in that body of yours. Because honestly, when I look at you, all I see is a sullen-eyed guy whose eye socket is heavily outlined by nights and nights of doing whatever I don't give a shit care about and undisciplined drinking. You are not Mick Jagger. And even if you were, you are not my type anymore. I'm done with the fooling with the bad boys hoping that they'd change for the better stage. Before I might even consider giving you a second look, you oughtta do something with your life first. I doubt if that would be enough especially now that you've sunk so low as to presuming that you are worth my attention.

Go fuck up your life! I don't care! Go keep on doing what you do! It's your life after all. Just don't go assuming that I would gladly take spoiled goods like you.

Now now... All I really want to say is, get lost HAVE A NICE LIFE!


Sincerely not yours,

Cyborg

Late night delusions

when i find it hard to fall asleep, i think of love
like when i used to count sheeps
or goats.

in my head images
come alive. love.


decades ago when
the scoutmaster said
i should keep it shut
my mouth, i did for several years
singing when walking towards home
or when the rain's spatter silences
my voice. an act of love
by mother herself, forcing me
locking me in a karaoke room
with mic, my enemy
more so the notes when words turn blue.

then to writing i took
unsung melodies only my head
understands anyway.

(to be cont.)

This oc paranoia

Glee's singing a song from Rent and it happens to be my 'pick-me-up' song. :) Title's Take Me or Leave Me. The song features the playful banter of lesbian lovers with Idina Menzel doing the higher, much female voice and her partner doing the alto. It's not an inspirational song but it's my pick-me-up song because it sounded so alive and has an upbeat tempo.

Anyhow, today's a hectic day. School-related again but I'll be fine, hopefully. Still scream sick when you see me but I'll be fine. I'm looking forward to Friday. If you're a Filipino, you'd know that Friday is a holiday and regular students love holidays...

I won't be arguing much about life's significance today or how we can save the world. Still too busy but will be back very very soon (maybe in the evening) for more.

"Why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so close to Monday"? (credits to pinterest for the awesome line)