Sunday, January 31, 2010


Just when things finally start to be ok, an unexpected thing happens. The song you've been trying so hard not to hear again is played. The rest is history. Wet pillows. Puffed eyes. Pounding head.

You should be congratulating yourself for an 8-hour straight of letting your mind attend to more important things in your life. Like for example, doing the laundry without unconsciously humming the song that holds so much memory of how fun it would have been like if.

Then you realize, things don't work that way. And you are doomed. You are still in the state where your mind knows there's nothing more to cling on to yet you still grab whatever opportunity to get a feel of what has been. You look at old pictures, listen to the songs you used to sing to express unsaid feelings, and stare into nothingness reliving what was and adding your own version to the definitely finished story you want to edit. 

Too bad real-life is not easily edit-able as those books you make fan-fics about. It's hard to mess up with what's already done because new people come in the picture. And new characters mean new loose ends and new complications. 

Often times you regret ever doing and saying things that led to the demise of something you don't have a name for. You wouldn't have been suffering for the same thing you've suffered for the past couple of months if you hadn't pulled the trigger. Bang!

Now you're left with pieces of scattered shrapnel which no one else could clean but you.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

no pun intended



Urban Dictionary defines it as to calling your own phone to locate it.

The importance of mothers

In an absurdly titled subject, Work and Life, I learned how crucial mothers are in the preservation of society's values, culture, and strangely, population. It's an established fact for me that mothers are loving individuals designed to nurture and bring-up a child.

But to think that they have this immense power to change the future escape me until I heard my lecturer gave a hypothetical situation:


Yeah. What if? That really got me thinking.

                                                                                                 (picture taken from jacob images)

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

unfamiliar places
are dark alleys that stretch towards the unknown
   never friendly, never bright
they smell of cat's waste after days of neglect
   sitiing sick on the ground with hovering flies

if you're lucky you chance upon a guiding light
if not, you continue to walk
   until you find the power switch on your own

(note:poetry. trying again to taste the words. almost forgotten how it tasted)

Thursday, January 21, 2010

a heroine's code of ethics


(taken from

We are all familiar with these: lustrous locks, sweet smile, amazing personality, adorable imperfections - magnets of disasters, heartbreaks, whatever(s). They are romance heroines in romance novels (admit it or not) you have read one when you got raging hormones (or maybe til now just for the pleasure of it).

I found the list interesting, thus the repost.

Romance Heroine Don’ts List

“If I am ever a romance heroine, I will not…”

  1. Go up in my nightie to see what all that screaming in the attic is about. (Jenny)
  2. Have a baby and not tell the father to protect him and his future. (Jenny)
  3. Decide to barge into a dangerous situation just to show him! (Corrina)
  4. Tell the hero I’m a virgin as I’m about to have some really incredible sex. (Corrina)
  5. Let my breasts taunt and/or tease the hero. (Jenny)
  6. See him talking to another woman and turn it into a Flaming Affair without asking him about it. (Jen)
  7. Go into the basement to see what that strange noise was. (Beth)
  8. Permit my bosom to heave, especially while wearing a bodice. (Beth)
  9. Ever permit my bodice to be ripped, though I may rip it myself. (Beth)
  10. Wear a bodice. (Beth)
  11. Be more beautiful, thin, and/or rich than anyone else on the planet. (Cindy)
  12. Conceal my identity, or if I already have, put off telling him who I really am. (Darla)
  13. Have the longest legs the hero’s ever seen, especially if I’m only five foot tall. (Darla)
  14. Borrow clothes that are too snug in the bosom. (Darla)
  15. Be at the absolute pinnacle of my profession when I’m 22. (Darla)
  16. Get in front of the hero and his gun when the villain is confronting us.
  17. Limit…the breathy pauses in…my sentences…to only one…a phrase. (lslcw)
  18. Have a “creamy” anything. (cyn/blinky)
  19. Have sex with a hero who has a “velvet covered manhood” because of the annoying lint this would create. (liberryshortcake)
  20. Keep reminding the hero that I am independent and can take care of myself, while constantly getting into situations where he has to “save” me. (Carolyn)
  21. Insist I am independent then allow the hero to dictate my life. (Jen)
  22. Struggle futilely to break free from the hero’s punishing embrace before being overcome with desire. Either I want him, in which case I should not be fighting, or I don’t want him, in which case I should break his nose, foot, finger, and anything else handy. Enough with the wimpy struggles. (Jen)
  23. Tell all my suspicions to the nice looking, totally sympathetic “other” man only to find out he’s the killer. (TheTwoJeans) 
Original post at, my favorite writer's site.

Recurring Dream

I came across a string of convos in my schoolmate's page. They were talking about medical terms and all. Without thinking about medicine, I am happy with what I am pursuing (which is Communication Research) but when i think hard, dang, some part of me still hasn't given up on that childhood dream about being a doctor.

Consider this, almost all the close chums I got, I convince to pursue medicine. Then they pleasantly throw back the question to me, "how about you nina? why don't you pursue medicine?" When I get down to the reason why I never got around to doing what I really wanted, and God knows how much I want it, the only reason I can think of is that I wasn't brave enough to take the challenge. Some friends say I am smart. Superficially, I am 'cause I study in a university that has high academic qualifications for its students. Speaking for myself, I doubt if I got enough brains for med.

For someone who hates hospitals and hyperventilates at the sight of blood, to dream about BEING a doctor must remain dreaming. But for me, it's really something I can see myself doing.

Over the years that I've studied communication theories, research process, etc, I've done a pretty good job with my grades and was even strangely passionate in applying what's learned in real life. The problem only comes when I am reminded of THAT dream. It's hard enough that I am reminded of it everyday of my life. Thanks to my best friends who are both going to be doctors; Charmayne Zilmar and Junfelle Love Pilapil.

Now I don't know what to do anymore. College is planned, but after college is still hazy. Sure I get a degree. Get a job in a marketing or ad or any corporate firm.

Will this nagging desire stay that long?

sleeping soo

first thing that you do when you get out of bed in
the morning?
- panic! i'll be late if i stay any longer!

what was the last thing you did before going to
bed last night?
- read How to be a Lady (i seriously need lessons on that!)

do you eat breakfast?
-refer to the answer to the first question

milk or coffee?
- i want them mixed. not a good choice if i drink them as individual units. too boring.

name five things on your bedside table?
- books, pens, "everything" notebook, girly magazine, cellphone, hairclip, comb

how many pillows do you have?
-a real and a stolen pillow

your waking hour is?
- 2 hours after my alarm (haha!)

any recurring dream?
-none that i can remember

are you a morning grouch?
- i'm surprisingly cheerful for someone running late

light or heavy sleeper?
-hypothetically,  the alarm beside me goes off and half the dorm is awake by its noise except me, am i a heavy sleeper?

do you sleepwalk?

talk in your sleep?
- nanay tells i talk in my sleep. some creatures in side my head maybe.

wet your bed?
-once. 10 years ago. i dreamt of a roast pig, i was salivating in my dream but in reality i wet my bed.

fall out of bed?
-nope. i face the wall in my sleep. i sort of harass it by putting up my one right leg on it.

count sheep when you can't sleep?
-it is not effective. i lost count then go back again to number 1 coz it frustrates me when i can't count them all. i even imagine them jumping over a picket fence and do some math.

like sleeping with the windows open?
-yes if i am on the 7th floor. no if i'm on the first floor. depends on my altitude.

believe in the Sandman?
-anybody can be a sandman

like being woke up?
-yes. i always politely open my eyes for a few minutes then go back to sleep afterwards

pray before going to sleep?
- i talk to Him, usually

what is your favorite sleeping position?
-refer to the question about fallling off the bed

what is your bedroom poster?
-what i got is a page from my notebook with the lyrics of sara bareille's gravity

what is your bedroom color?
-pink sa dorm, if i had a choice i would've wanted orange

last person you say goodnight to before you
-i never say good night

last person you think of before you sleep?
-the first person i tend to look forward to meet the night after

Friday, January 15, 2010

Random New Experiences