Letters to X: Gravity

X, 


I will start at a random point in our story, two years after, if that's okay with you. 
 
I was alone in a very hot room with a singular fan humming silently in the background. Few clothes litter the empty bed across mine. I have a huge window that gives me a terrific view of the whole island alight in the evening. Except for a few sobs, everything was just as it should be, still. 
 
It's my first week in a new island. My mission was to forget you. 
 
A year after that, I am crouched in my room back at home, still crying the same tears.  


Y. 

Letters to X: Real Love

X,

I would like to think what we had was real. I would have liked to hold on to it, to you, but we can't keep on dancing the same rhythm over and over again.

I kept on talking about how I must stop this (I've been talking about 'stopping' this for three years now). And I think this is the perfect time. There will be times when I would be reduced to tears again. The memory of you and the prospect of being able to be with you will always leave me wistful.

When I heard the song Real Love while I was riding on a train to take me to a museum, I kept on thinking about how our wedding would be like. How the song could probably be a perfect wedding song for us. But I'm only 20, so it's really idiotic to think about weddings when I still have a career to plan.

This is me thinking to myself. Again. Seems like the only thing left for me to do was think. Unlike other people, we never really had anything tangible exchanged. We only have memories. Too bad I can't put them in a barrel and set them on fire to burn.

The song didn't really have much lyrics except that it kept on insisting that it's real love. It's real love. It's the same thing with us, ironically. Every time I think about you, I think of love. OR at least that's what I'm thinking now. Will there ever be someone who would love me as much as I have loved you?

Was our love real? Even if it was, i know deep inside me we can never be.

Yes, it's real love. Idiot.

Y.

Letters to X: I Can't Make You Love Me

X,

The show is over.

You have a girlfriend now. And you're probably very happy with her. Asking you to make up your mind for a year (the take it or leave it ultimatum) was beyond selfish. I don't know what to call it. I don't know what drove me to do such a self-centered act.

Although I love you, it is becoming painful for you. Putting you on the hot seat and all. I was reading about these tokkotai pilots and how they have left all these letters to their loved ones and I just realized that them letting go of their loved one and telling them to be happy is the most honorable, if not the purest of all feelings there is - unselfish and undemanding.

You are free now. Be where you should be; beside her. Be happy and enjoy your days with her. I can't believe it took me so long to realize this.

I am sad that I have to do this. I love you but this must stop too. It is ironic that we love each other and yet we can't be together. You were right, we pushed our luck.


I am giving up this fight.
Y

Letters To X: A Little Too Much

Another exercise at meshing song lyrics to letters.

X,


Remember the ultimatum? I wanted you to decide. Instead, you asked for a year. You never really wanted to take matters to your own hands. 

You wanted things to happen 'naturally' without you having to decide. Are you just a coward? Yes you are.

The ultimatum was meant to know who your first choice is. It was just a go or no decision to make. You say go, and we 'take the plunge'. You say no, I'll lick my wounds and finally have the closure I deserve.

Instead of doing either, you decided to shrug everything off - not taking any side. However you choose would liberate me. But you never really made a decision. Again, you left things hanging.

It hurts me. Well, I'm more like angry right now. I just want the closure. You wanted, oh I almost forgot that, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

Honestly though?


Nothing is working.
Y

Letters to X: This Ain't Goodbye

The first of the many unsent letters. 

X,

It has been great with you. Fun, happy.

I was walking along my university's academic oval with my music player in the pocket of my dress. I was in a hurry, well sort of. My phone tells me it is five minutes to 4 pm. I was running late for class.  I needed to walk about a kilometer just to get to my college.

While walking I had to slow down a bit. I caught myself humming along to This Ain't Goodbye! I am pretty positive we can still get back together.

But that was... let's see. A year ago. Now I'm after you again. Like the song, I'll never really be able to say goodbye.

We've got time(?),

Y

A politically correct love letter

Dear jerk LOSER (because you are acting like one despite your name being the opposite),

To assume that I was in to you as I was before is only a result of your conceit inability to understand that people change. Yes, pea-brain cerebrally-challenged jerk, I have changed a lot.

Whereas before you meant the whole world to me, now, you are nothing but an annoying booger, egotistical , sexist alpha male who thinks that he is everything that a woman needs. Let me point it out to you that you are not worth it. A waste of time even. I only wrote this so I can send this link to you when you feel again that I am head over heels in love with you.

I may be wrong about a couple of things, but I am certain about this - I DO NOT LOVE YOU. And I would never go after you because you don't matter are a douche bag do things that rub me the wrong way.

To think that I am chatting you up because I can't survive without your presence is totally wrong. When I say that I need a distraction, it doesn't mean that I miss you. You are a guy for God's sake burger's sake! You are not supposed to go about reading into every sentence as if it is loaded with cryptic shit content! The way you reacted only goes to show just how fucked up twisted you are. Dude, it's been what? A fucking year (or more) has passed since! You think I lived in a vacuum all the while?

I went away partly to get over you, that I admit. I have come back partly successful with my attempt. Though I still had feelings for you before, I have begun to enjoy life without you (you should know this because I used to regularly update you with my status). To go on insisting that I am still in to you is moronic beyond me.

Stop acting like you are some rock star stuck in that body of yours. Because honestly, when I look at you, all I see is a sullen-eyed guy whose eye socket is heavily outlined by nights and nights of doing whatever I don't give a shit care about and undisciplined drinking. You are not Mick Jagger. And even if you were, you are not my type anymore. I'm done with the fooling with the bad boys hoping that they'd change for the better stage. Before I might even consider giving you a second look, you oughtta do something with your life first. I doubt if that would be enough especially now that you've sunk so low as to presuming that you are worth my attention.

Go fuck up your life! I don't care! Go keep on doing what you do! It's your life after all. Just don't go assuming that I would gladly take spoiled goods like you.

Now now... All I really want to say is, get lost HAVE A NICE LIFE!


Sincerely not yours,

Cyborg