Letters To X: A Little Too Much

Another exercise at meshing song lyrics to letters.

X,


Remember the ultimatum? I wanted you to decide. Instead, you asked for a year. You never really wanted to take matters to your own hands. 

You wanted things to happen 'naturally' without you having to decide. Are you just a coward? Yes you are.

The ultimatum was meant to know who your first choice is. It was just a go or no decision to make. You say go, and we 'take the plunge'. You say no, I'll lick my wounds and finally have the closure I deserve.

Instead of doing either, you decided to shrug everything off - not taking any side. However you choose would liberate me. But you never really made a decision. Again, you left things hanging.

It hurts me. Well, I'm more like angry right now. I just want the closure. You wanted, oh I almost forgot that, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

Honestly though?


Nothing is working.
Y

Sulaiman's friend who liked a broken neck

I was looking at another video when the title of this poem caught my eye. Catchy title... Words in it, direct.

Just a backgrounder... this is technically called def poetry. It has its critiques, just as anything that has come to be conceptualized has.

Finally, below is Amir Sulaiman's I Prefer A Broken Neck To Another Broken Heart. Scrolling further down would reveal my favorite lines from it. I admit that I have some contentions with the way the words have been chosen to express the idea as I find it not so consistent with what the title's trying to say. Nevertheless, I did enjoy the lines for their directness.

And it took her some time with herself to discover 

That having love is even more important than having a lover

(...)

She said, "Yeah, I'd like a man to kiss me, I'd like a man to hug me

But he's gotta truly love love before he can truly love me"

I said, "I feel you." She said, "No, you're not feeling me.

We are women bringing up seeds,

Our own sons grow up thinking love is a disease

Ducking and dodging real relationships, and just gonna take what they please

And they treat pregnancy like it's an STD

If the test comes back positive, it's a negative

And they are ghost in the streets,

Drunk in the wind, only a moment is spent and those moments are brief

Our sons' role models are rolling stones unknown or deceased

They figure we can't teach them manhood, so they'll get grown in the streets

So in the cold world they find warmth with the men holding the heat."

(...)

"But when I think about my childhood, I don't think about poverty

I remember how she hugged me, kissed me, taught me, loved me.

And I know you prefer a broken neck to another broken heart

Broken parts that litter the night sky like stars.

But remember, even the beauty of birth leaves its own scars

And know that you will find your home, right where you are

We will find our homes right where we are."

(excerpt of Amir Sulaiman's She'd Prefer A Broken Neck to Another Broken Heart)

Rosemerry's talk with her son

from filipinasoul.com

Motherhood, is simply the most profound way of showing human's capacity to love and probably evidence to love's existence itself. To all mothers out there whose lives are no longer theirs but their child's as well.

"This is the way I want to love: in an idiom stronger

than tongues, I want to love in the way that tides pull

and release, like the moon which holds without touch,

I want to invite the sky to create a bigger space in me

a place spacious enough to hold all the wings

of the passing moment. I want to be buoyant enough

to carry all of love’s weight." 

(excerpt from RW Trommer's Talking To My Son Before Sleep)

Collection of Cuss Words, Da Bisdak Version

As I write this, I am holding my tummy for the hilarity of what my friend and I has come up with. The past couple of days I've been teasing her about how gutter-mouthed she is. To make her chronic cussing less obvious, we came up with these alternative pronunciations to expletives to make them sound less than what they should be. By doing so, we potentially decrease the intensity of these words BUT it could prove to turn things around since they could really be funny.

Gaaah. It's so awkward to explain funny. It just is. Anyways, I also learned about Lord Putai Technique which according to G is a laughing exercise. To someone who knows Bisaya, saying Lord Putai Technique repeatedly and faster by each repetition makes up something that has lewd undertones. How can a mere technique title be so hilarious? Ha! Only in the Philippines. :)

Now, we're supposed to be doing more important things. Nevertheless, on to cuss words!

1. Dapak
This is commonly used to express anger, irritation, frustration, etc.

2. Mader Pader 
Kinda difficult to understand but this is another common expletive. G. suggested that we don't pronounce 'r' in the end for some slang swagger. Pronunciation key: a = cat; e = duh!

3. Dahell
Dahell sa'yooooo... nais kong mabuuuuuuhaaaaaaaay! It's something one says when s/he doesn't understand or is unhappy about something.

Ending the post abruptly with an animated video of Mary Lena (Lina?) by Jason in Town.

PS My brother told me that this song is originally sang in a different language and was only overwritten with Bisaya lyrics.

PPS Be warned! The video gets a little weird towards the end BUT it's the only animated version (to facilitate understanding) of Mary Lena that I can find.

Letters to X: This Ain't Goodbye

The first of the many unsent letters. 

X,

It has been great with you. Fun, happy.

I was walking along my university's academic oval with my music player in the pocket of my dress. I was in a hurry, well sort of. My phone tells me it is five minutes to 4 pm. I was running late for class.  I needed to walk about a kilometer just to get to my college.

While walking I had to slow down a bit. I caught myself humming along to This Ain't Goodbye! I am pretty positive we can still get back together.

But that was... let's see. A year ago. Now I'm after you again. Like the song, I'll never really be able to say goodbye.

We've got time(?),

Y