Wednesday, September 21, 2011

a note by a selfish mourner

i can't even say your name. or throw clues at who you are. but people who know you will know that it's you i'm talking about.

it took me a month to find the urge to write about this. about you. until now, i haven't fully understood the gravity of your passing.

i'm angry. why do you have to leave so early? you've left so many unfinished businesses behind! we were supposed to drink coffee in the cushioned seats of marco polo!

more than that, it angers me how so many find it so easy to talk about you almost casually in public spaces. call me a selfish mourner. but your loss... it's something very personal and something that does not deserve such cheap elegies. and to use the word elegy to refer to what they're doing is even adding some dignity to their tacky crap. maybe we can settle on calling it crap.

you deserve something more. not just few threads in a page with hastily typed comments. you deserve proper sentences with periods. you deserve well thought of texts. you don't deserve bullcrap that will only get drowned once another interesting topic catches on.

i still can't write about you. as in you. i can only write about my anger about some people who treat you like any other subject in a topic.

i acknowledge that i can't control how people should mourn your passing. but i can never excuse them people who i expect should know better than that. there are other platforms to immortalize you. why can't they do that? why choose to do it in a casual, lazy way?

and why was i doing this instead of telling them off? i'm sorry. i know you deserve better than this post too.


alexandria said...

i think, had he been here still, he would have understood your attempt to express your loss. and he would have loved you for it anyway.