Saturday, December 11, 2010

All is well.

Why after all these months I am still moping, desperately clinging on to flimsy threads of hope i've woven is pathetic. I know. I shouldn't have dedicated the song Gravity to him. That way, i would not be repetitively wounded by his disregard and not keep on coming back. Gross.

The world has continued to spin. A lot of more important things have happened but I am stuck in this feeling every time I return to my bed. So many what could have beens play in my head. For all i know, he is now happily strolling down the road with the girl of his dreams. I can't be happy for him.I want him for myself.

This desperate --- ridiculous need for his presence is irrational and unnecessary but whenever I feel so low, I think of talking to him and everything would seem ok again. Well, ok until I start feeling sad again because when I reach for my phone to give him a call, reality comes in. I don't have his freakin' number. And even if I have, I don't think I will ever have the courage to speak to him again without me blurting out nonsense about loving and needing him which is primarily the reason why I never tried to get in touch with him again.

On the subject of need, Yeah, I need him. Now more than ever. And at the rate things are going, I will be in this loop longer than is normal.