All is well.

Why after all these months I am still moping, desperately clinging on to flimsy threads of hope i've woven is pathetic. I know. I shouldn't have dedicated the song Gravity to him. That way, i would not be repetitively wounded by his disregard and not keep on coming back. Gross.

The world has continued to spin. A lot of more important things have happened but I am stuck in this feeling every time I return to my bed. So many what could have beens play in my head. For all i know, he is now happily strolling down the road with the girl of his dreams. I can't be happy for him.I want him for myself.

This desperate --- ridiculous need for his presence is irrational and unnecessary but whenever I feel so low, I think of talking to him and everything would seem ok again. Well, ok until I start feeling sad again because when I reach for my phone to give him a call, reality comes in. I don't have his freakin' number. And even if I have, I don't think I will ever have the courage to speak to him again without me blurting out nonsense about loving and needing him which is primarily the reason why I never tried to get in touch with him again.

On the subject of need, Yeah, I need him. Now more than ever. And at the rate things are going, I will be in this loop longer than is normal.

A+++ for a job well done then

Something very beautiful happened today. For someone (ehem) who's been waiting so long for that sort of 'recognition' to be bestowed upon her, there's no saying no for whatever it might be (ok redundant). Besides, who would say no to an excellent offer?