Departures

There are some things -- many things -- in this space that doesn't sound me anymore.

Went through all my old posts and while they were all genuine life experiences and feelings, I have already outgrown that phase of wanting to stop by every so often to talk about how I feel. I still pause from time to time to take in all the emotions that come from being human but I try to do that in moderation now.

That said, a new site is coming. Domain's now in place, I'm just fixing up some very important details. I'd still be sharing poems I love and some other little pieces of heaven on earth, only this time, there would certainly be more of these joys than the rather morose content that dominates this space.

The new blog will be live on April 21, 2013 so if you feel like it, come visit!

Meanwhile, here's a poem by Linda Pastan that better encapsulates this goodbye.

Because

Linda Pastan

Because the night you asked me,

the small scar of the quarter moon

had healed—the moon was whole again;

because life seemed so short;

because life stretched before me

like the darkened halls of nightmare;

because I knew exactly what I wanted;

because I knew exactly nothing;

because I shed my childhood with my clothes—

they both had years of wear left in them;

because your eyes were darker than my father’s;

because my father said I could do better;

because I wanted badly to say no;

because Stanley Kowalski shouted “Stella…;”

because you were a door I could slam shut;

because endings are written before beginnings;

because I knew that after twenty years

you’d bring the plants inside for winter

and make a jungle we’d sleep in naked;

because I had free will;

because everything is ordained;

I said yes.

Komachi on Being Alive

Because life is better lived than dreamed about. 

No. 658 

Ono no Komachi

Though I go to you

ceaselessly along dream paths,

the sum of those trysts

is less than a single glimpse

granted in the waking world.

Friday surprise

A single man from our neighborhood decided to die last Friday. It was a fine day. The sky's clear, the traffic not as bad for the regular Friday traffic hell. It was a good day to die.

Cab driver told me that the man's only 25. He was clearly envious of the departed's youth. In his mind, if only he can be 25 again. He wouldn't have ended up a cab driver, he said. And he couldn't have fathered five kids from three different women - all of whom he left to his mother.

He proceeded to scratch his balding head. Why would a single man with a job take his life?

We looked at the apartment the man used to live in. We both decided that the man had a decent job. His apartment had flower pots lining the stairs leading up to his floor. From outside, we saw that his curtain's a light shade of green. Why would a man with bright curtains take his life?

His cousin, according to the cab driver was crying earlier. A call center agent who just finished her shift went immediately to check on him, but she came too late. Maybe if she had asked him earlier how he was, it couldn't have happened. Or maybe, if only she didn't call him gay when he said he was sad. Her cousin, the fine young man in his 20's is two hours dead.

It wasn't murder. It wasn't food poisoning. It was suicide without a suicide note. He didn't have to explain why.

New Year pledges

To the tune of Dare You To Move, here's my pledge for this year:

1. I will wake up before the sun rises, no matter what .
2. I will be consistent in planning my daily activities and focus on achieving what was planned.
3. I will be more patient and enduring in doing things that give me no pleasure.
4. I will restrain myself from acquiring, consuming anything that I won't benefit from in the long run.
5. I will smile when things are going well and smile harder when confronted by challenges.
6. I will be parsimonious in giving promises and fully commit myself towards keeping them.

My 2012 Wrap-Up

2012 had been a year filled with huge transitions for me. Never exactly a fan of documenting life shifts, I now see the beauty of it. How else do I grasp what is happening to me without putting things into writing?

Q1 of 2012: Graduation jitters 

We almost didn't make it! Our thesis is the perfect example of Murphy's Law. It was difficult to get what we had worked on the entire first semester so we had to reframe the thesis a little bit. The first quarter was spent being frazzled by more delays and disturbing a lot of friends for interview schedules. 

I have my thesis to thank for though because through it I was able to forge new connections while strengthening old ones. My thesis partner and I became closer because of the many depressing nights spent watching an entire year of news reports about the conflict in Mindanao. 

Q2 of 2012: To be or not to be 

I used to think that getting the diploma is the harder one until I had to make a choice on which opportunities to take. I am grateful for finally reaping what I have sown during college but it is difficult to say yes to one thing and say no to the rest. 

Unlike most of the people I know, I don't really have a dream company or a dream job. This made the choosing harder. Eventually, I decided to work in a start-up social news network. 

Q3 of 2012: Home sweet home

Left my first job in favor of something that would bring me back to Davao. It was a full quarter of trouble and fun. 

Trouble because it was the most tumultuous quarter I've ever had that with personal issues getting in the way of my goals. Nevertheless, it was a quarter that brought me to many beautiful places in Mindanao. I was able to go on a land trip that brought me to the very ends of Davao Oriental and Zamboanga City. 

Q4 of 2012: Tough decisions 

This quarter brought me back to my first job and first love. A lot was said about Manila's terrible pollution but I fell in love with the loudness of the city. Everywhere I go, everything screams - the buildings, the cars, the people. 

Taking things slow and looking before leaping were things I've only begun to appreciate when I learned their value the hard way. 

2012 had been exacting, yes, but here's to hoping that 2013 gives me everything I need to run life's race well.